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14. I'LL DIE BEFORE MY CLOTHES (Sept. 2002)
I just realized
something. I'm going to die before most of my clothes wear out. But look at the
good side. This takes a tremendous burden off me. It means I don't have to
worry about replacing my wardrobe anymore. If I take care of what's in my
closet it'll take care of me. I don't have to worry about changing fashions
either, because there are none for men. There are changing fashions
for teenagers and those who try to look like them, but for men fashion
has barely budged in a half century. So what it comes down to is--- will my
clothes last? I'm 55. How much longer does anything have to last? 20 years? 40?
I'll just take good care of my clothes. Sew, Don't Throw. That'll be my motto.
I will save so much god damn money it makes me puke.
Then I realize. What I'm
saying. "Think of all the money I'll save because I'm dead."
Hey.
But then I think. I will
save money by being dead. No more money for food, clothing,
transportation. Magazines. I'll read my last book. I'll purchase my last CD. I won't
slap another charge on my Amex or Master cards. Prices goin' up? I'm goin'
down. I will save ten bundles. Hey, it's great to be dead. Because it's
cheap.
To my landlord--- up
yours.
Creditors? See me in the
dirt. You got lawyers? I got Death. Now whadaya think a' that?
I'll never have to
check out tomorrow's weather.
You gotta love my
optimism.
Ira---
"Sunny"--- Rosenstein. That's me!
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